Here I am again shedding tears over my exhausted/confused mess of a research project that I am struggling to even write 1000 words about (updated word count: 433). I've been sat in one of the cosy study rooms in the library for 4 hours now just contemplating the whole reasoning behind my research over and over again until I have reached a point where I'm thinking that I'm not actually that interested in what I am doing... which is not good news.
I've done a lot of thinking over the last week about why I actually want to be an illustrator and what I want to say, which has been somewhat unclear within the last few months. I've realised that I have been going along with many ideas and prospects of briefs and projects that I think I should be doing instead of trusting my gut, and worryingly I believe that COP3 is now becoming that. I can't explain how frustrating this is and how much it is knocking my confidence even further, but I am so so determined to keep going with this! Yet I am aware that time is ticking by. ARGH!!!!
One of the reasons why I am feeling pretty anxious and kind of upset about COP is that I don't really feel that it is very 'me', which is ironic because I've spent the last two weeks fretting over not knowing what I am good at or clearly interested in within my creative practice.
But relatively speaking, I feel like I am taking on more of a creative advertising project, which is fine because it is something that interests me, but the output is looking more of a graphic design solution(which isn't me at all!).
There is only two weeks left until the next peer review, which means only two weeks left of research, and two weeks left to figure out what on Earth I am actually doing! (Wish me Luck)
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