Tutorial Five/First Draft Feedback

Although I only managed to submit half an essay, my feedback was really positive and I received some really helpful pointers in how to structure the rest of my research.

Turnitin Feedback

• Started well with confident writing
• Good understanding of theories
• Structure is good
• Have shorter sentences; less commas
• Introduction is Chapter One (don't get confused here)
• In Chapter Two, talk about links between theory I'm looking at and advertising. Consumerism and marketing models
• This will be more apparent in the next chapter, but just put forward the argument in Chapter Two.
• Historical elements are good.
• Talk about modernism?
• Consumerism, advertising and health/hygiene all developed simultaneously 
• Link between adverts and using status and health to communicate it is really important!

Tutorial

In the last two weeks I have done a LOT of work and come really far with my practical work. As well, I have found some additional contextual references that also link in to my project really well such as the What I Be project.

Today's tutorial was more about connecting the dots between the research I have carried out and constricting information to come to a suitable conclusion within my essay and my practical work. This process has already started with the decision being made to discontinue looking at children as a motif within advertising and focus more on mature perceptions of self and how external influences can alter this.

Formative Feedback

6A1: Very good understanding of themes and contexts. Dissertation is  still unfinished (not long enough)
6A2: Very good explanation of ideas to synthesise results. Needs focusing for final work
6B1: Good level of research and collation of information- research techniques. Very good evaluation of materials
6C1: Very good explanation of material ideas/development of images comparison linking to theories and research. Final focus needs
6D1: Good final outcomes need refining

Additional Comments:

• Good project, well researched. Organic and developing its own momentum
• More decisions to make 
• Finish written element
• Focus- case studies
• Reflective practice- how project fits with the research/theories/purpose

Suggestions

• Put the health history in Chapter 2, link this to the development of adverts
• The addition of psychology within advertising goes hand in hand with developments in public health. This relates to aspiration (self-actualisation) in the escape from poverty
• Look at 'Prozac Nation' book
• Pharmaceutical industry in America;promotion etc
• Scopophilia theory:Laura Mulvey: Engaging with the person
• How women are seen as objects within paintings and advertisements;not engaging with the audience
• Manet: Olympia-controversial male gaze. The model is not passive. Challenging the audience with a different engagement
• Chapter 3: Choose three images to analyse
• Chapter 4: How does my product fit with research/theories? Effects of campaign etc...
• Chapter 5: What we need/told we need/creation of need. Link with case studies and practical outcome.
• Look at Marx false consciousness